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as said in my last journal, I've been considering leaving dA. what I think is probably going to happen is I'll update here still, just not as much. I know I haven't been updating a ton (except for recently? I'm getting back into it I think!), but yeah. my tumblr is writers-sickness.tumblr.com for my writing, tags tracked are #ohsostarryeyed and #melissa elbee. I'm going to look into the rebelle society, as suggested by the wonderful patadyong and I'll keep you informed. but yeah, while I'll feature and read and stuff, I'm not going to be posting everything here anymore. gonna keep in touch though, of course!

-

Our last days as windmills by patadyong The Children by carriezona purple haze by nic-xc All in by carriezona  Unfurling by Meghan-Vu 


-

Les fees by eulalievarenne 

-

Villa Alota by eulalievarenne CloudBalloon by eulalievarenne 
-

.what doesn't kill you
comes back with something stronger
to finish the job
  you talk about royalty when you're drunkcotton mouth, jaeger tongue, woke you up
at 5 am, just had to kiss you again
and again
if love isn’t a starry drunk stupid thing
then i don’t want it
of course i won’t say this but i’ll try
to taste like it
i’ll try to write it on your soft skin
when you’re fast asleep
and i’m high out of my mind
i’ll write
i’ll forgive you
for anything

in the white sand
of your body
in hopes that no tide will come
to wash it away
  it's been a week.the first time i woke up next to you,
i laid there for fifteen minutes
smiling to myself
and thinking how beautiful you were.
we spent hours together
in other people's beds.
stealing kisses and pretending
that the rest of the world
didn't exist at all.
the great tragedy here
is that we never met our full potential.
this was never love,
but don't you think it could have been?
the last time i woke next to you,
i was looking at a beautiful body
that was not yours
and our backs were the covers
of our closing book.
  anthropomorphismI sleep inside your closet. Your old winter coats share stories with me because we have something in common: you haven’t touched us in years. You grew up, and you didn’t need a jacket to stay warm, and you didn’t need a girl to play house with.
I remember the old adage when I wear your shoes. They are six sizes too big and they don’t even have imprints of your toes in them, because they are your dress shoes, your dance shoes, your rain boots. Finally I find that I fit comfortably into the tennis shoes you outgrew eight years ago, but all I can judge from your little toeprints is that you hated show-and-tell because you never had anything to show.
I play the dusty video games in the box you put in here when their console became obsolete. They entertained you for a month, but so far they have entertained me for a year. Did you stow them away because you were done with them, but wanted to keep them around? If so, I will join their cause.
I hide behind a stack of your e
  .in the beginning
in the bone
white tendrils
of holy fire, the night
ate away at it all,
that acid tide -
it ate away at
the bud in the mud
and the blood,
it burned their bodies
but left their ghosts
so they could be
identified -
and then a wild
man, a monster
pressed his thumb into
the air, he drew
a cross upon his face
said light
and now
i am drowning
i am drowning in light
i am drowning
in the white
and the gold
as he sits
at the end of my bed
and he shouts -
for something
or someone
i don't know
and i scream, god, please just
let me sleep!
let me sleep
in the cold barren ground
of the earth,
let it pull me right in
through its mangle -
and i feel a sting
in the crook of my arm
when they come
(and then even the wolves, even the wolves start to whimper)
  004.a flannel shirt
a cigarette
those downcast eyes
your damn regrets;
your skinny frame
the moleskin book
i really miss
your classic look.
  Traveling by water.The speed of sound though air
Is about 340 meters per second.
But I've been floating for hours, sweetheart
And I've been listening
And I can tell you
That sound travels through water
much,
much
faster.  
Through the dark water
Through wet leaves swirling
Around me,
stroking my hair,
I hear what I can only call
Hope.
* * *
You'll find that Truth
sounds the same
in every form.
Like the rustling of feathers,
A sweeping latch
As a window is opened
A cackle that was once
just a reluctant
grin.
The night sky is mirrored around me,
The reflections of stars lap
At my sides, and
I have to smile,
myself.
The sound of your laughter was,
And remains,
The most wonderful sound
I've ever heard.
* * *
As for Strength, well,
I never told you,
but years ago I chose
To give you mine.
And while I will never regret it,
this is what remains-
The crunch of glass
against concrete,
Voices ringing,
clear,
Above chaos,
The uncurling of limbs
As we rise from the floor.
* * *
Sweetheart, tell me something.
If
  worth the heartbreak.just for a few hours,
you and i
become "we" once more.
we're trading "remember when's"
like they are
the most valuable currency.
tonight,
we are rich.
it's almost six in the morning
and we do not want to go to sleep.
you were the one that i loved,
and it pays to remember.
i forgave you long ago
for all your misgivings.
this stroll down memory lane
is a pleasant one.
i wrote you poems
nearly everyday.
you cried on my stomach
and never knew
that i cried with you.
i am remembering now
all the beautiful things
that i had nearly forgotten.
  it's an overcastIt is an overcast woodrot kind of day. I sink
my teeth into logs, soppy. Suckle until my tongue is
raw and sore. Picking
splinters
I am reminded my body is mostly water. Reminded
that we argue these kinds of things. We, the defiant
little bitches, fire-starters, flame-tasters, butterfly-
tamers. We, the ones with eyes so large - so ridiculously
bulbous and afterbirth-like, that we gave up applying the ointment.
We go - "O, Sun! O, Moon!" taste us anyway. Eat us anyway
you can like the cat-tongue of the month while I'm
on my period. Unraveling pieces of art and cackling
like the witch stirring beneath my zipper. She goes
"Bloodsister, pass me your golden fork, toss me your locks
and everything else that's slippery. Show me how abstract
your pupils become in the middle of a circus ring. Show
me how you look like the tallest oak tree in the forest
dying with lightning scars and not a single promise etched
into your bark." and I want to crawl into her lap, cut my hair
and make terrible thi
  Thank You, Mr. PoeThere are only so many ways
   I can destroy my body
Only so many cheap, one night
fumblings in filthy hotel rooms
   in the darkness that I can take
   turn around, tear apart
         make whole again
before something has to give.
(I'll replace my reality with a synthetic
one, pretend I'm beautiful like you.)
Late night phone conversations
   You're always the straight man
While I talk myself in circles,
try to justify the destruction--
   Do you ever weep for the
   shortening of my life
           expectancy?
(Breathe in, relax; this will all be over
in the morning and I can be nothing
again.)
I found a disease to take the pain away.
I found a disease to take my pain away.
    "For what disease is like alcohol,"
   says Poe, a cynic,
But a man who didn't fuck a
   holding nothingthese hands pulling loneliness down
from the mountains. these hands
pressing solitude into the earth.
 
once I fell asleep
beside you, I no longer
had need for nightlights.
(and the dark stopped being scary)
said it once, say it again, I post (finally, regularly!) on my writing tumblr-- writers-sickness.tumblr.com
I track: #melissa elbee and #ohsostarryeyed for my writing
and if I stop posting here, I'll be posting there...so keep up, suckers! ;)
Loading...
you are not the only one
to walk like there are
skeletons underfoot,
who looks both ways
twice
before crossing the road
because you
"knew a girl who";

you are alive
and you will experience
hurt, and you will
be so thankful
for every painful breath you take
because it's better than when
everything goes quiet
and all you feel is exhaustion.

there is more than just
one cold snap
before you enter
the winter of your life.
there are spells
of sadness and rage,
hate and denial
of all that you know
and all that you deserve;

and you are not the only one
to fight for everyday you are here,
alive and breathing
and striving to thrive
on such an unforgiving planet,
in such a world
that births emotional deserts
in its people;

you are not the only one
who hurts--
please,
be gentle.
out of all the ways
you hold me
I have yet to find
the one that
keeps me
together.
decompose
(so sick, so sick, so sick)
Loading...
there is nothing more beautiful
than the softness of a man
you love more than
the earth
(shaking, geode),
a face gentle in sleep
and ardent in morning;

there is nothing more beautiful
than the first breath
of your spring,
your blooming dawn,
the incoming
of nothing but you
(blossoming, emerging,
here,
you flourish)—

here,
you are growing
and transforming
into something new,

and there is nothing
more beautiful
than that.
growth
actually posted this on my tumblr (writers-sickness.tumblr.com) first :O 

(sooooo you should follow me there!)
Loading...
as said in my last journal, I've been considering leaving dA. what I think is probably going to happen is I'll update here still, just not as much. I know I haven't been updating a ton (except for recently? I'm getting back into it I think!), but yeah. my tumblr is writers-sickness.tumblr.com for my writing, tags tracked are #ohsostarryeyed and #melissa elbee. I'm going to look into the rebelle society, as suggested by the wonderful patadyong and I'll keep you informed. but yeah, while I'll feature and read and stuff, I'm not going to be posting everything here anymore. gonna keep in touch though, of course!

-

Our last days as windmills by patadyong The Children by carriezona purple haze by nic-xc All in by carriezona  Unfurling by Meghan-Vu 


-

Les fees by eulalievarenne 

-

Villa Alota by eulalievarenne CloudBalloon by eulalievarenne 
-

.what doesn't kill you
comes back with something stronger
to finish the job
  you talk about royalty when you're drunkcotton mouth, jaeger tongue, woke you up
at 5 am, just had to kiss you again
and again
if love isn’t a starry drunk stupid thing
then i don’t want it
of course i won’t say this but i’ll try
to taste like it
i’ll try to write it on your soft skin
when you’re fast asleep
and i’m high out of my mind
i’ll write
i’ll forgive you
for anything

in the white sand
of your body
in hopes that no tide will come
to wash it away
  it's been a week.the first time i woke up next to you,
i laid there for fifteen minutes
smiling to myself
and thinking how beautiful you were.
we spent hours together
in other people's beds.
stealing kisses and pretending
that the rest of the world
didn't exist at all.
the great tragedy here
is that we never met our full potential.
this was never love,
but don't you think it could have been?
the last time i woke next to you,
i was looking at a beautiful body
that was not yours
and our backs were the covers
of our closing book.
  anthropomorphismI sleep inside your closet. Your old winter coats share stories with me because we have something in common: you haven’t touched us in years. You grew up, and you didn’t need a jacket to stay warm, and you didn’t need a girl to play house with.
I remember the old adage when I wear your shoes. They are six sizes too big and they don’t even have imprints of your toes in them, because they are your dress shoes, your dance shoes, your rain boots. Finally I find that I fit comfortably into the tennis shoes you outgrew eight years ago, but all I can judge from your little toeprints is that you hated show-and-tell because you never had anything to show.
I play the dusty video games in the box you put in here when their console became obsolete. They entertained you for a month, but so far they have entertained me for a year. Did you stow them away because you were done with them, but wanted to keep them around? If so, I will join their cause.
I hide behind a stack of your e
  .in the beginning
in the bone
white tendrils
of holy fire, the night
ate away at it all,
that acid tide -
it ate away at
the bud in the mud
and the blood,
it burned their bodies
but left their ghosts
so they could be
identified -
and then a wild
man, a monster
pressed his thumb into
the air, he drew
a cross upon his face
said light
and now
i am drowning
i am drowning in light
i am drowning
in the white
and the gold
as he sits
at the end of my bed
and he shouts -
for something
or someone
i don't know
and i scream, god, please just
let me sleep!
let me sleep
in the cold barren ground
of the earth,
let it pull me right in
through its mangle -
and i feel a sting
in the crook of my arm
when they come
(and then even the wolves, even the wolves start to whimper)
  004.a flannel shirt
a cigarette
those downcast eyes
your damn regrets;
your skinny frame
the moleskin book
i really miss
your classic look.
  Traveling by water.The speed of sound though air
Is about 340 meters per second.
But I've been floating for hours, sweetheart
And I've been listening
And I can tell you
That sound travels through water
much,
much
faster.  
Through the dark water
Through wet leaves swirling
Around me,
stroking my hair,
I hear what I can only call
Hope.
* * *
You'll find that Truth
sounds the same
in every form.
Like the rustling of feathers,
A sweeping latch
As a window is opened
A cackle that was once
just a reluctant
grin.
The night sky is mirrored around me,
The reflections of stars lap
At my sides, and
I have to smile,
myself.
The sound of your laughter was,
And remains,
The most wonderful sound
I've ever heard.
* * *
As for Strength, well,
I never told you,
but years ago I chose
To give you mine.
And while I will never regret it,
this is what remains-
The crunch of glass
against concrete,
Voices ringing,
clear,
Above chaos,
The uncurling of limbs
As we rise from the floor.
* * *
Sweetheart, tell me something.
If
  worth the heartbreak.just for a few hours,
you and i
become "we" once more.
we're trading "remember when's"
like they are
the most valuable currency.
tonight,
we are rich.
it's almost six in the morning
and we do not want to go to sleep.
you were the one that i loved,
and it pays to remember.
i forgave you long ago
for all your misgivings.
this stroll down memory lane
is a pleasant one.
i wrote you poems
nearly everyday.
you cried on my stomach
and never knew
that i cried with you.
i am remembering now
all the beautiful things
that i had nearly forgotten.
  it's an overcastIt is an overcast woodrot kind of day. I sink
my teeth into logs, soppy. Suckle until my tongue is
raw and sore. Picking
splinters
I am reminded my body is mostly water. Reminded
that we argue these kinds of things. We, the defiant
little bitches, fire-starters, flame-tasters, butterfly-
tamers. We, the ones with eyes so large - so ridiculously
bulbous and afterbirth-like, that we gave up applying the ointment.
We go - "O, Sun! O, Moon!" taste us anyway. Eat us anyway
you can like the cat-tongue of the month while I'm
on my period. Unraveling pieces of art and cackling
like the witch stirring beneath my zipper. She goes
"Bloodsister, pass me your golden fork, toss me your locks
and everything else that's slippery. Show me how abstract
your pupils become in the middle of a circus ring. Show
me how you look like the tallest oak tree in the forest
dying with lightning scars and not a single promise etched
into your bark." and I want to crawl into her lap, cut my hair
and make terrible thi
  Thank You, Mr. PoeThere are only so many ways
   I can destroy my body
Only so many cheap, one night
fumblings in filthy hotel rooms
   in the darkness that I can take
   turn around, tear apart
         make whole again
before something has to give.
(I'll replace my reality with a synthetic
one, pretend I'm beautiful like you.)
Late night phone conversations
   You're always the straight man
While I talk myself in circles,
try to justify the destruction--
   Do you ever weep for the
   shortening of my life
           expectancy?
(Breathe in, relax; this will all be over
in the morning and I can be nothing
again.)
I found a disease to take the pain away.
I found a disease to take my pain away.
    "For what disease is like alcohol,"
   says Poe, a cynic,
But a man who didn't fuck a
   holding nothingthese hands pulling loneliness down
from the mountains. these hands
pressing solitude into the earth.
 

deviantID

ohsostarryeyed's Profile Picture
ohsostarryeyed
melissa
United States


writing/spoken word tumblr

photography website

vogue italia

flickr

model mayhem



my name is melissa and i have my reasons not to use capital letters.

i was born on the cusp of summer and fall in 1992, which feels like it was about twelve years ago - my maturity level reflects this. as a result, i am a poor college student. (if you would like to assist me in this endeavour, feel free to note me about receiving your own handwritten copy of my work and letter!)
i do not like certain words. (anion, anyways (because it's not really a word!), armpit, baked, blastula, breadth, bun, clotted, crusty, cusp, feasible, fondle, frottage, horndog, hospice, lest, mayochup, pusillanimous, refurbished, scalp, smug, sustenance, waft.)
i like quailman and dirty dick dastardly, and i hope you know who they are. i love with more than a love, and i quote things (in this case, edgar allan poe; in others, harry potter, 90s songs, and chuck palahniuk ) off the top of my head because it makes me feel good.

to do list: breathe, laugh, use tumblr less frequently.


inspiration| irving penn| emily tebbetts| katie lawrence| sarah smiley| moriah freed| larissa felsen| harley weir| daniyel lowden| chuck palahniuk| charles bukowski| jonathan safran foer| kurt vonnegut| franz kafka| geoff trenchard| buddy wakefield| everyone on my watch list

we were emergencies by buddy wakefield

We can stick anything into the fog and make it look like a ghost.

But tonight let us not become tragedies.

We are not funeral homes with propane tanks in our windows lookin’ like cemeteries. Cemeteries are just the Earth’s way of not letting go. Let go. Tonight, poets, let’s turn our wrists so far backwards the razor blades in our pencil tips can’t get a good angle on all that beauty inside.

Step into this.

With your airplane parts. Move forward.

And repeat after me with your heart: I no longer need you to fuck me as hard as I hated myself.

Make love to me like you know I am better than the worst thing I ever did. Go slow. I’m new to this, but I have seen nearly every city from a rooftop without jumping.

I have realized that the moon did not have to be full for us to love it. That we are not tragedies stranded here beneath it. That if our hearts really broke every time we fell from love I’d be able to offer you confetti by now.

But hearts don’t break, y’all, they bruise and get better. We were never tragedies. We were emergencies. You call 911. Tell them I’m havin’ a fantastic time.

Shoutbox

cholie:iconcholie:
:glomp:
Mon May 6, 2013, 9:40 PM
DEAD-OnTheInside:icondead-ontheinside:
:)
Mon May 6, 2013, 2:26 AM
TheEmptyChest:icontheemptychest:
Just saw your monroe annnd... I like it. Quite a lot. :)
Thu May 2, 2013, 6:41 PM
BMWYSP:iconbmwysp:
you are beautiful. just thought i'd tell you, because you might need someone to do so. <3
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 8:16 PM
cholie:iconcholie:
hello you! :D it's been a long while...too long for my liking! i hope you have been well! p.s. i've followed you on tumblr. :huggle:
Wed Feb 20, 2013, 1:16 AM
pengirl100and2:iconpengirl100and2:
Happy New Year, Miss Lovely, and may your heart feel better soon.
Fri Jan 4, 2013, 5:50 PM
KaoticOutkast
I just want to tell you, I used to have a best friend with an eating disorder. Unfortunately I couldnt help her; as a result we drifted very far apart. If I could do anything it would be to make girls like her, an you, know how beautiful you really are.
Sun Oct 7, 2012, 5:55 AM
LetThereBeApples
:meow:
Mon Apr 16, 2012, 10:48 PM
hauntingmewithsmiles:iconhauntingmewithsmiles:
You sent me a message 11 weeks ago. This is my first time checking dA in probably half a year.
Mon Apr 2, 2012, 11:43 PM
dietcocaine:icondietcocaine:
Congratulations, dear. c:
Wed Feb 22, 2012, 3:18 PM
Nobody

what style of my writing do you like best? 

48%
30 deviants said ALL OF THEM U BITCH
32%
20 deviants said poetry
6%
4 deviants said slam poetry
5%
3 deviants said haiku
5%
3 deviants said NONE OF THEM U BITCH
3%
2 deviants said prose
2%
1 deviant said other (comment!)

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconsleenthebeast:
SleentheBeast Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thank you so much for the feature!
Reply
:iconkaname-chan:
kaname-chan Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014
Happy birthday.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
a delayed thanks to you!
Reply
:iconkaname-chan:
kaname-chan Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014
You're welcome. :)
Reply
:iconpoetries:
poetries Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014
Happy birthday, Melissa! :hug:
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
thank you!!
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014   Writer
Happy Birthday! :cake:
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
thank you, shane!
Reply
:icondeclanewan123:
declanewan123 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014
fathom the limits of grey - 
a paler shade of hey.
listening to the softness
sparkled darkness in the sky
listless loss so wonddering why

</3
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014
<3
Reply
Add a Comment: