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About Deviant Core Member melissaFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
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when I shudder at the thought
of spending forever
with someone whose eyes
are always soft when they fall
on me, when I've made
every act of aggression
toward myself,
threatened hundreds more,
and brought harsh winters to our home
time and time again;

when I find myself
with ice on my toes
and shoulders closed toward my heart,
breasts subtly underlined
like schoolnotes
because I need new people
to see me through
bedroom eyes;

when did I become
so afraid?

did you poison me
when you poisoned yourself,

did you kill,
did you send into sickness
the bits of me
that knew how to love

and grow roots with
someone who could
grow with me too?

there is more of my blood
than ancestors'
left in the soil of england.
english blood
i just don't know what's wrong with me
also i know i haven't been writing so here's this
i also have another england related piece i need to write but i've been avoiding it so hard
Loading...
I've half-written this journal a number of times, but kept losing it. I've seen long-ago promises of publishing my work, and wondering if people still would like that. and then if that'd only be my writing, or also photography?

in a similar vein, Carwendil has refreshed my desire to sell handwritten copies. tim has been very generous to me, and it's giving me something that connects me back here. if any of you are interested, please shoot me a note!

-

as you've noticed, I spend more time on photography than writing nowadays. I'm not positive on how I feel about that, but I do know I feel good doing the work of planning, executing, and editing my visions. I hope you like it too.

-


.there is not enough solitude
to ease my heart after days like these-
even the stars have eyes, even
even my happy poems
have sad endings
  a good love poem to get you in the moodthere is a sadness that lives within
liars. i told you once that you meant
more to me than myself, but if i were
truly your friend i would tell you to
leave.
i want you to slip from the bed
in the middle of the night while i
am still asleep. i want you to fight
the urge to touch me and trust
that i am honest.
i want you to find your things and
fill your bags with everything that is you
in that place until it is nearly 
empty, and
quietly, 
i want you to fucking leave.
without explanation or one more
ultimatum that you are so fond
of, put that car in drive and don't
you dare come back.
find a studio that
you can afford for two hundred
a month, get a cat, get some
friends that don't matter much
except for filling space. change
your number and if i ever
come begging, pretend that you are not home.
pretend i am some overgrown infant
who has lost their mother (not so far
from the truth,
stuck in a past you won't dare
stick your hands in again).
c
  GrumphThe quietest waking wars are found at the shoreline, freezing toes off and counting down the minutes to high tide. I turn my face to the left and see the dawn; to the right of me is the dusk. Savor the daylight for when it is gone, my love. My circling island is just that.  bhava.& sometimes when I walk it’s as if I’m transported to another time entirely & the feet that carry me are mine, but not mine, different in ways I could never quite say.
Step inside.  It is raining.  Or better, Maggs & I are in the fairy glen behind her house, bare feet & knees, & above us a soft rain falls on the trees, which we can hear but cannot see as we rest upon moss & green.
That there, that’s me. & then suddenly, I’m something different entirely, an earlier, native being, alive & awake & living among the trees.
Sometimes the things I’ve seen include places I’ve never been, not in this life with this set of eyes & still, I’ll swear as surely as the night slips by, somehow I know what it’s like to die.  Somehow I know that it’s alright.
  i promise it wasn't youone:
that boy taught me that girls who speak up
are not fit for loving.
that bastard taught me that girls who say no
are not fit for loving;
it was my voice or my heart,
and i chose love.
(after all,
isn't that the greatest thing?)
two.
when the pain weighted my
body to the floor,
when the carpet covered me with dust
and claimed my bones,
my friends called me lazy.
"where are your wounds?"
i cupped my glued-up heart in my hands.
they rolled their eyes
and turned away,
asked me why i'd turn myself
into some craft project
for a hopeless, wandering boy
and night after night i cried
"i don't know, i don't know,
i don't know."
three:
when the hurt made food
stick like paper maché
in the back of my throat,
they called me sick-
when i bent
they said
"i can see your bones,
oh god how i'd like to stick my fingers inside you
and split you down your middle,
right in fucking two."
four:
the sorrow settled in for good.
it was a little like drowning-
they told me,
"well, i knew someone else who
 

deviantID

ohsostarryeyed's Profile Picture
ohsostarryeyed
melissa
United States


writing/spoken word tumblr

photography website

vogue italia

flickr

model mayhem



my name is melissa.

i was born on the cusp of summer and fall in 1992, which feels like it was about twelve years ago - my maturity level reflects this. as a result, i am a poor college student. (if you would like to assist me in this endeavour, feel free to note me about receiving your own handwritten copy of my work and letter!)
i do not like certain words. (anion, anyways (because it's not really a word!), armpit, baked, blastula, breadth, bun, clotted, crusty, cusp, feasible, fondle, frottage, horndog, hospice, lest, mayochup, pusillanimous, refurbished, scalp, smug, sustenance, waft.)
i like quailman and dirty dick dastardly, and i hope you know who they are. i love with more than a love, and i quote things (in this case, edgar allan poe; in others, harry potter, 90s songs, and chuck palahniuk ) off the top of my head because it makes me feel good.

to do list: breathe, laugh, use tumblr less frequently.


inspiration| tim walker | irving penn | emily soto | mark harless | anna demarco | larissa felsen | harley weir | tamara lichtenstein | karen jerzyk | marta bevacqua | chuck palahniuk | charles bukowski | jonathan safran foer | kurt vonnegut | franz kafka | geoff trenchard | buddy wakefield | everyone on my watch list

we were emergencies by buddy wakefield

We can stick anything into the fog and make it look like a ghost.

But tonight let us not become tragedies.

We are not funeral homes with propane tanks in our windows lookin’ like cemeteries. Cemeteries are just the Earth’s way of not letting go. Let go. Tonight, poets, let’s turn our wrists so far backwards the razor blades in our pencil tips can’t get a good angle on all that beauty inside.

Step into this.

With your airplane parts. Move forward.

And repeat after me with your heart: I no longer need you to fuck me as hard as I hated myself.

Make love to me like you know I am better than the worst thing I ever did. Go slow. I’m new to this, but I have seen nearly every city from a rooftop without jumping.

I have realized that the moon did not have to be full for us to love it. That we are not tragedies stranded here beneath it. That if our hearts really broke every time we fell from love I’d be able to offer you confetti by now.

But hearts don’t break, y’all, they bruise and get better. We were never tragedies. We were emergencies. You call 911. Tell them I’m havin’ a fantastic time.

Shoutbox

BrittanniaRain:iconbrittanniarain:
Death by Chocolate!
Wed Jul 1, 2015, 9:19 PM
cholie:iconcholie:
:glomp:
Mon May 6, 2013, 9:40 PM
DEAD-OnTheInside
:)
Mon May 6, 2013, 2:26 AM
TheEmptyChest:icontheemptychest:
Just saw your monroe annnd... I like it. Quite a lot. :)
Thu May 2, 2013, 6:41 PM
BMWYSP:iconbmwysp:
you are beautiful. just thought i'd tell you, because you might need someone to do so. <3
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 8:16 PM
cholie:iconcholie:
hello you! :D it's been a long while...too long for my liking! i hope you have been well! p.s. i've followed you on tumblr. :huggle:
Wed Feb 20, 2013, 1:16 AM
pengirl100and2:iconpengirl100and2:
Happy New Year, Miss Lovely, and may your heart feel better soon.
Fri Jan 4, 2013, 5:50 PM
KaoticOutkast
I just want to tell you, I used to have a best friend with an eating disorder. Unfortunately I couldnt help her; as a result we drifted very far apart. If I could do anything it would be to make girls like her, an you, know how beautiful you really are.
Sun Oct 7, 2012, 5:55 AM
LetThereBeApples
:meow:
Mon Apr 16, 2012, 10:48 PM
hauntingmewithsmiles:iconhauntingmewithsmiles:
You sent me a message 11 weeks ago. This is my first time checking dA in probably half a year.
Mon Apr 2, 2012, 11:43 PM
Nobody

I'm hoping to go to New York the 19th-20th 

50%
4 deviants said I have to obtain money somehow
25%
2 deviants said idk if I'd have time to meet up with people but maybe??
13%
1 deviant said it's for photography and I'd be going with my friend/model
13%
1 deviant said (Tim I'm still working on the poems, I PROMISE I haven't forgotten)
0%
No deviants said hahahaha

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconsalt-and-the-moon:
salt-and-the-moon Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2015  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Hey love, I'm back... but you seem to be gone :(
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2015
I've never been truly gone, always lurking a bit! but idk I'm kinda wavering on coming back, about to make a journal about it I think! <3
Reply
:icontacitaquipper:
tacitaquipper Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
The stark tones of your imagery is very powerful. To quote Nietzsche, "you must have chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." You have many dancing stars, and we adore them, but it appears to be at the price of your sanity.

Quite a high stake trade off, don't you think?
Reply
:iconhell-on-a-stick:
hell-on-a-stick Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015  Professional Writer
:wave:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2015   General Artist
hello there, lovely person! :huggle:
this is to inform you that i have made use of one of the titles of your poetry in my title poem over here: fav.me/d8d65gn :love:
i hope that this is alright with you, pray that you enjiy the read, and thank you for your inspirational artistry! :eager: <3
Reply
:iconexhalants:
exhalants Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2014  Student General Artist
there's just something so captivating about you, your character
poetry has soul to it
but you're v intriguing yourself
Reply
:iconsleenthebeast:
SleentheBeast Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thank you so much for the feature!
Reply
:iconkaname-chan:
kaname-chan Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014
Happy birthday.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
a delayed thanks to you!
Reply
:iconkaname-chan:
kaname-chan Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014
You're welcome. :)
Reply
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