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About Deviant Core Member melissaFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
11 Month Core Membership:
Given by an Anonymous Deviant
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I am in a relationship.
the little white heart next to "single" is gone from facebook,
instead beside it is your name.

I did not mean for this to happen.

I do not know if I am ready for love,
because when I love,
the storm in my heart
makes tornado alley look dull,
makes the dustbowl's clouds
of red chalk look settled,
like there could be a home, safe
inside the dirt.

it only seems gentle
because when the waves are cresting,
hot and saline,
there is enough heart that you do not see its walls;
you do not see that the undulations
rise and fall so high
that if you do not step back,
they will crash above your head.

I have a vastness to me,
a wild expanse treacherous even to myself,
poisonous biters and traveller's bones
stuck all in my skin;

I hold endless dangers
in unexpected places
(there is sadness on my ears,
there is crying in the dark),
and buried treasures
in parts of me that have gone

I have the run of the whole horizon,
I am not as small as the body you see.

when you love me,
you learn what it's like to drown,
and you learn what comes next.
relationship no. 5
I don't know how this happened, but it did

I am scared as hell and so happy
hi, this is a quick update because I realise I close out of my browser too often to finish a journal entry (because as I'm sure you know, I like to feature deviations that have struck me).


the transition into daylight saving time has been rough. I'm still doing okay though, I'm being proactive, and I'm still recovering. things are just moving slower. hell, so am I. but I'm keeping as busy as I can, between photoshoots, this guy I have A Thing with, and appointments. it's not my ideal life, but it's a lot better than how it has been at this time of year for just about as long as I can remember.


I have a hard time updating dA. like I mentioned in my last entry, I'm updating SO MUCH social media with my work already, honestly you have a better likelihood to see my stuff elsewhere. my photography is pretty often published, which is p legit. I know I don't write enough, and I need to get back into that more, for myself. 


drifting.Outside the record store the snowflakes fall down like outstretched hands reaching for the frozen ground, wide-palmed & glittering. Inside, we shuffle through the P’s with thawing hands in our wet shoes standing as close together as we can without touching & you smell like wood-smoke & sweat & I don’t even register the titles I’m pretending to read, too focused on our breathing, warm & harmonized.
When we leave you ask me if I’d like to go on an adventure & I don’t think twice though I am cold & wearing the wrong shoes & no gloves & we walk, bodies close & braced against the wind, shoes buried deep in the fresh snowbanks, shimmering like a sugar dish.
“As a kid, in Michigan,” you say with that earnest look on your face, “I loved the snow.”
I try to picture you as a kid & you’re exactly the same, all lanky bones & goofy dance moves.
“My mom would bundle me up, snug as a bug, & send me out to the barn to feed the critters,
  Devious Journal Entrythese days I only write when my heart is breaking.
this was one of the shittiest weeks of my life. this entire year rivals my 16th year in terms of absolute, life-destroying shittiness. everything is awful. everything hurts.
I have learned this week how to curl around a man while he tells me
about the first time he tried to kill himself. he was six.
the trucks drove along the highway, he said, I watched them through
the bus window on the way to school. I went out there one morning
& laid down. I waited for hours.
but they didn't come for me, so I got up and went home.
he said,
how broken can I be before I shouldn't be here at all?
he said,
you shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be here,
& you should've left a long time ago.
& he didn't say, but I know he meant:
did he know? did he think I was broken? was I a disappointment to him
my entire life? 
he's gone, he's gone, he's gone.


ohsostarryeyed's Profile Picture
United States

writing/spoken word tumblr


my name is melissa.

i was born on the cusp of summer and fall in 1992, which feels like it was about twelve years ago - my maturity level reflects this. as a result, i am a poor college student. (if you would like to assist me in this endeavour, feel free to note me about receiving your own handwritten copy of my work and letter!)
i do not like certain words. (anion, anyways (because it's not really a word!), armpit, baked, blastula, breadth, bun, clotted, crusty, cusp, feasible, fondle, frottage, horndog, hospice, lest, mayochup, pusillanimous, refurbished, scalp, smug, sustenance, waft.)
i like quailman and dirty dick dastardly, and i hope you know who they are. i love with more than a love, and i quote things (in this case, edgar allan poe; in others, harry potter, 90s songs, and chuck palahniuk ) off the top of my head because it makes me feel good.

to do list: breathe, laugh, use tumblr less frequently.

inspiration| tim walker | irving penn | emily soto | mark harless | anna demarco | larissa felsen | harley weir | tamara lichtenstein | karen jerzyk | jimmy o'donnell | jeff bark | marta bevacqua | chuck palahniuk | charles bukowski | jonathan safran foer | kurt vonnegut | franz kafka | geoff trenchard | buddy wakefield | everyone on my watch list

we were emergencies by buddy wakefield

We can stick anything into the fog and make it look like a ghost.

But tonight let us not become tragedies.

We are not funeral homes with propane tanks in our windows lookin’ like cemeteries. Cemeteries are just the Earth’s way of not letting go. Let go. Tonight, poets, let’s turn our wrists so far backwards the razor blades in our pencil tips can’t get a good angle on all that beauty inside.

Step into this.

With your airplane parts. Move forward.

And repeat after me with your heart: I no longer need you to fuck me as hard as I hated myself.

Make love to me like you know I am better than the worst thing I ever did. Go slow. I’m new to this, but I have seen nearly every city from a rooftop without jumping.

I have realized that the moon did not have to be full for us to love it. That we are not tragedies stranded here beneath it. That if our hearts really broke every time we fell from love I’d be able to offer you confetti by now.

But hearts don’t break, y’all, they bruise and get better. We were never tragedies. We were emergencies. You call 911. Tell them I’m havin’ a fantastic time.


Death by Chocolate!
Wed Jul 1, 2015, 9:19 PM
Mon May 6, 2013, 9:40 PM
Mon May 6, 2013, 2:26 AM
Just saw your monroe annnd... I like it. Quite a lot. :)
Thu May 2, 2013, 6:41 PM
you are beautiful. just thought i'd tell you, because you might need someone to do so. <3
Thu Feb 28, 2013, 8:16 PM
hello you! :D it's been a long while...too long for my liking! i hope you have been well! p.s. i've followed you on tumblr. :huggle:
Wed Feb 20, 2013, 1:16 AM
Happy New Year, Miss Lovely, and may your heart feel better soon.
Fri Jan 4, 2013, 5:50 PM
I just want to tell you, I used to have a best friend with an eating disorder. Unfortunately I couldnt help her; as a result we drifted very far apart. If I could do anything it would be to make girls like her, an you, know how beautiful you really are.
Sun Oct 7, 2012, 5:55 AM
Mon Apr 16, 2012, 10:48 PM
You sent me a message 11 weeks ago. This is my first time checking dA in probably half a year.
Mon Apr 2, 2012, 11:43 PM

I'm so afraid to write 

9 deviants said I think I might be afraid of myself
6 deviants said or it might be heart-full feelings for someone who isn't there
1 deviant said because I don't know what will come out-
1 deviant said I think it might be sadness that I won't know how to stop
1 deviant said (or worse, for someone who is there, for someone who is opening their arms to me)
1 deviant said I am afraid


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snakekiller9119 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2015  Student General Artist
Good Poems. Very good. Check out mine if you don't mind :3 not as good as yours
Retro-Grade1 Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!!!! :cake: :heart: :cake:
I hope your day has been a splendid one, and may your evening be even better!!! :tighthug:

ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday!! :tighthug: :heart: I hope you have a wonderful day!! :iconrainbowcakeplz:
sesam-is-open Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2015
Happy Birthday - PNG by lifeblue :party:
Retro-Grade1 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2015  Professional Traditional Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!!! :cake: :heart: :cake:
May you have an absolutely wonderful, perfect day!!
salt-and-the-moon Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey love, I'm back... but you seem to be gone :(
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2015
I've never been truly gone, always lurking a bit! but idk I'm kinda wavering on coming back, about to make a journal about it I think! <3
tacitaquipper Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
The stark tones of your imagery is very powerful. To quote Nietzsche, "you must have chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." You have many dancing stars, and we adore them, but it appears to be at the price of your sanity.

Quite a high stake trade off, don't you think?
hell-on-a-stick Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2015  Professional Writer
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2015   General Artist
hello there, lovely person! :huggle:
this is to inform you that i have made use of one of the titles of your poetry in my title poem over here: :love:
i hope that this is alright with you, pray that you enjiy the read, and thank you for your inspirational artistry! :eager: <3
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