when you interact with other grown-ups,
there are things you need to remember.
i am learning the fine art of Adult Small Talk-
banter for banter's sake and smiles and short, impersonal anecdotes
because you can't risk letting anyone in,
god forbid someone actually gets close.
you keep your friends in your stomach and swallow them at night to keep them close
and put your cheery face on for medical professionals even when your throat is too swollen
to drink down those friends.
those friends, you know they'll never let you down.
you see your human companions on lunch breaks and weekend days.
at night, young adults have sex and fall asleep together;
at night, older adults complain of headaches and sleep on opposite sides of the bed.
your human friends don't make you feel as good
as your other friends make you feel.
they ask about your life and how you're doing,
ask if you're still in therapy and if you're eating,
and god forbid you let them in.
they're your human friends but they don't get you like misters daniels and jameson.
i hear this is what growing up is.
there is a shift in the places you find joy.
you smile primly at a job promotion,
the purchase of a new handle to last you half the week,
and when your bills are all paid.
when you are no longer a child,
you shouldn't wear green leggings and power rangers sweatshirts.
i broke that rule yesterday and i felt happy for the first time in months.