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February 13, 2012
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i kind of feel like ripping my face off.

look-
it's not one of those sad, suicidal stories.  i mean, if i believed in suicide in the way that means i could do it, then yeah, it would be.  but i don't, and i guess you're kind of lucky for that because now you can go to sleep with a clear conscience.

i won't ever tell you about how many pages and books and scraps of paper and unsent text messages and notes on the backs of my hands i've written for you, or how inarticulate you were when you wanted to say how you felt.  i won't ever tell you how i wished for a few words that could tell me that i was loved, even a little, and i sure as fuck won't ever say that when you managed to pull a few words together for some girl you haven't even touched, well, i won't ever say that all i feel like doing now is unravelling the skin on my arms, down to the bones, and watch as rivers of red fall out of me like stars.

maybe i'd be beautiful enough for you then.  i know you've always thought i was beautiful, but that's not what i'm worried about- what i'm worried about is being enough.

what i mean is that i can't wait for the day where i can look at you and go, oh look i used to love him.  he was my first, my first everything.  i hope he's doing well.

what i mean is that i can't wait for the moment i'm touched by someone in the way that you always would and not jump like i was lit on fire- by on fire, i don't mean startlingly, or passionately; i mean like i was burnt and could feel my skin falling off in sheets.

what i mean is that i want to rip my face off because then everything i'm feeling on the inside will matter that much less.
note to self

happy valentine's day
i need my therapy appointment
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:iconjustawhore:
justawhore Featured By Owner May 10, 2013
I will happily do it for you
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:iconpeyhpeyh:
PeyhPeyh Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I know this must be an old piece for you, but your work gives me chills. I love it.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013
i'm glad <33
Reply
:iconthirdeyewink:
ThirdEyeWink Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012
I can't explain how hard it hurt to read this... :tears: you are so damn good :dalove:
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012
aw, thank you so much!
Reply
:icontangerineterranova:
TangerineTerranova Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! I was thinking to quote something from this, but I could choose just one! The whole damn thing was amazing! :D
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Feb 29, 2012
aw, thank you!!
Reply
:iconxxdr0psxx:
xXdr0psXx Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012
"what i mean is that i want to rip my face off because then everything i'm feeling on the inside will matter that much less."
I love that line. I know the feeling of this very well...
if it helps, it does get better, and if you are lucky, it will go away completely.. given time.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
thank you very much :heart:
Reply
:iconiceblueeyedgirl:
Iceblueeyedgirl Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"all i feel like doing now is unravelling the skin on my arms, down to the bones, and watch as rivers of red fall out of me like stars." Absolutely Love that line!!! And the whole poem just touches me so!!!!
Reply
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