i scratch my skin til it looks like it's burnt off. i don't eat til i am begged and pleaded and my lover won't eat because of my sadness. it's okay because it's how i cope. it's okay because i might be dying but it soothes me. i never mind.
i used to fall in love with happiness and hope but lately it's lost its charm. so now the prince rides in on his white horse in the form of fingers in my throat and handfuls of pills and hours and hours of overdosed, sleepless bliss. sometimes i think this is heaven.
i feel myself burning. i'm drowning. i promise myself this is paradise but every time i wake, my stomach turns because i see no angels, only wingless bodies and darkness.