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you think it's funny how people
will keep laughing and talking
about themselves when the world
is falling down around you.

they don't even notice.
everyone is their imagined audience,
but really, the chairs are empty.  
we're all one man shows.

it's called egocentrism.
it means we all think we're the only things
worth notice. it means there is no one
but me.

that's when reality -
a sickening,
crunching
car crash;
white-hot metal;
whirring rims undressed
from tires -
hits.

that's when you realise
you're less important
than anyone else on the planet.
that's when you sink to your bedroom floor,
and cry until the rug is saturated
with enough salt to build an ocean.

this is called an inferiority complex.
it means i think i'm a piece of shit
when compared to a piece of shit.

you're terrified of things
with concepts
like love or marriage
or poker or sculpture
or sex or economics.

and so you write,
but only when the sky
is blacker than a
raven's feather.
it's called nighttime in the city.
it's called a second shot at life,
deep in the recesses of evening:

it's called a coping mechanism.
it means it never works
without destroying
something

                       bigger.
--extremely loud and incredibly close, p. 273


a jsf-inspired title and poem, in a chuckie p.-inspired style.
best of both worlds.

(just done in a shitty way.)
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:iconxerolien:
Xerolien Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I like the "shitty" way :dalove: ^^; :+fav:
Reply
:iconpurplelaceandcrayons:
Before I read your notes at the bottom, I was going to say this was very Palahniuk. Wonderful. :D
Reply
:iconstoryofmylife054:
storyofmylife054 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2011
you are incredible.
Reply
:iconmissunderstand:
MissUnderstand Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
I enjoyed the car crash bit "whirring rims undressed from tires", and the part about having enough salt to build an ocean.
The flow seems off to me. More like you're just speaking it to me. Which also makes it feel very personal. Hmm...
Reply
:iconxxlonesomedovexx:
XxLonesomeDovexX Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2010
Parts of it sorta reminded me of Buwkowski :heart:
Liked it alotlotlotlot:)
Reply
:iconterroris-blacklisted:
Terroris-Blacklisted Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2010  Student General Artist
You inspired me to pick my trusty old pen and scribble away some gibberish in my journal. I've been at it for hours now, but its still not where it needs to be. I'll let you know if/when I post the results...
Reply
:icon-dragonpoet:
-dragonpoet Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010
Absolutely amazing
Reply
:iconden12:
Den12 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010
Amazing stuff. Yet sad but beauty comes from pain. And joy is even more wonderful when you know the contrast it makes with pain.
Reply
:iconfoolishpridex:
FoolishPrideX Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010
I love that book.
and this is so good!
Reply
:iconmakola94:
Makola94 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010
so much feeling.
Reply
:iconforwinds:
forWinds Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
it's like you've taken a peek into my mind and pulled out all of the things i've never known how to put into words. thank you for this. i feel like i've found another piece of the puzzle in trying to put myself together. :heart:
Reply
:iconcaniacpanther:
CaniacPanther Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Amazing...
Reply
:iconbeccamd:
beccamd Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010   Writer
this is goood.
Reply
:iconsoosoocherry:
SoosooCherry Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
wow, im speechless
Reply
:icontaishalation:
taishalation Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
I love it
All the metaphors are so clever
I can sort of relate to this
An honest veiw point
Reply
:iconsoftlyrainingsky:
SoftlyRainingSky Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
this is beautiful (but sad too :/), i really love the second to last stanza...
Reply
:iconlurveeyouu:
LurveeYouu Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Student Writer
this is incredible. you notice the most hideous aspects of humanity and somehow make them beautiful.
Reply
:iconanalais:
Analais Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
Love the rhythm of this.:)
Reply
:iconknockdownginger:
knockdownginger Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
this bit:

'it's called egocentrism.
it means we all think we're the only things
worth notice. it means there is no one
but me.

that's when reality -
a sickening,
crunching
car crash;
white-hot metal;
whirring rims undressed
from tires -
hits.

that's when you realise
you're less important
than anyone else on the planet.'

reminds me of the lyrics to Two Suns in the Sunset by Pink Floyd.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010
don't know that song, but i'm not a floyd fan ;P thank you, though!
Reply
:iconknockdownginger:
knockdownginger Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010
it's this bit in particular, in terms of concept and how it's delivered:

'like the moment when your brakes lock
and you slide toward the big truck
you stretch the frozen moments with your fear
and you'll never hear their voices
and you'll never see their faces
you have no recourse to the law anymore
and as the windshield melts
my tears evaporate
leaving only charcoal to defend
finally I understand
the feelings of the few
ashes and diamonds
foe and friend
we were all equal in the end'

Pink Floyd are amazing but not to everyone's taste :)
Reply
:iconspamuel:
Spamuel Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010   Writer
Stanza 4 - great description - phrases like "white hot" and "whirring rims undressed from tires" - fantastic. Didn't think too much of the structure of that stanza though. could do with a bit of a reshuffle I think.

Stanza 6 - is shit. And that's before considering that it's assuming others don't know what an inferiority complex is.
I think it's safe to give your readers a bit more credit.

All in all I didn't like this one. I've seen you write much better. But it has decent moments.
Reply
:iconphototard:
Phototard Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010
i think it is definitely worthy of the chuck.
super neat. i really like the last stranza. feels like inconvenient truth.
though (from what i understand) the general idea of a coping or defence mechanism is to make sure you don't fall apart. so one probably wouldn't be sane or happy enough to appreciate 'the bigger things' if one was to quit them. then again, it seems a little like settling.
Reply
:iconremiroquai:
RemiroQuai Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
I thought it felt very familiar somehow. I am reading "extremely loud and incredibly close" and this captures the exact same feeling. Pretty nicely done :D
Reply
:iconpippitypip:
pippitypip Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
i am in love with the last verse <3
Reply
:icongreyseal77:
greyseal77 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
Take Prozac. Call in 10 days.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
prozac does shit for me, sweetie ;)
Reply
:iconpookiman:
Pookiman Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
breathtaking
Reply
:iconrikeem:
rikeem Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
this poem is deep and beautiful. all of the thick headed know at alls and the ones that think that they are better than everyone need to read this poem right here. maybe then they will get the smack down of reality they so desperatly need.
Reply
:iconhexbunny:
HexBunny Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
quite belittling, exquisite.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
:) thank you! that was my intention, hehe.
Reply
:iconalicedanielle:
AliceDanielle Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010  Student Writer
I love this concept. This whole idea. Brilliant. Just like you. (:
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
nawwwwwwww. i liek yoooo.
Reply
:iconjelitin:
jelitin Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
This is absolutely amazing. It literally left me just staring at my screen for a few minutes in sheer thought and awe. And I love your username.:heart:
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
oh wow, thank you so much!
Reply
:iconplaidsheep:
PlaidSheep Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010  Student General Artist
very true.
Reply
:iconsade132:
sade132 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010  Student Photographer
wow awesome poem
Reply
:icontheyreonlywords:
Theyreonlywords Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
That last verse is fantastic. I can totally relate.
Reply
:iconjessi-neon:
Jessi-Neon Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
i never comment because i never know what to say, but i adore this. so beautiful. i can relate completely.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
oh, thank you so, so much!
Reply
:iconjessi-neon:
Jessi-Neon Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010
you're very welcome!
Reply
:iconimpracticaldreamer25:
ahhh the last verse is so honest and brilliant.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
:thanks:
Reply
:icontinayan:
tinayan Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010  Student General Artist
love this.
Reply
:iconsigned-silence:
signed-silence Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
I absolutely adore this... It's got so much depth, and has such a unique viewpoint. And by the way: I really like the "shitty" way that it's done. (:

:heart:
Reply
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