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July 20, 2013
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this is the part where you start listening.
i'm not one to pour my words,
cheap wine no glass just red solo cup,
into an empty room.
i'm not one to talk when everyone
only pretends they're listening when really,
they're just hearing.

the part you start listening
comes at the part where i show you my skin.
i could show you my heart all i want
but you won't hear me.
i could tell you about every moment
i've spent basking, drowning
in whatever endless emotion
and you would nod sympathetically.

but you still wouldn't listen.

not til i show you my skin
screenprinted and scattered in scars,
hatchmarking of blended bends
and tall and stretched.
or if i told you how i've left my body
in shambles, and left it, broken
and rained on like cardboard boxes on city streets
five years after my destruction proved inadequate
until someone else
with fracturing fingers
ruined me worse.

my bones splintered under the thin
stretch of skin
covering them until i grew thick limbs,
a trunk like a tree.

the layers, years, rings of
wood and bark
meant nothing if i couldn't
sit up.
that's the ultimate
loss
of control.
some spoken word shit, maybe no good maybe something i'll read idk i'm in resi god save the queen

spoken here: writers-sickness.tumblr.com/po…
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:iconshep4life:
shep4life Oct 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Pretty cool
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:iconmarianweaver:
MarianWeaver Oct 16, 2013  Professional Writer

Lovely first line! Ditto the final stanza - masses of punch in so few words.

broken/ and rained on like cardboard boxes on city streets is a marvellous image. It leaps out at you.

I feel the title doesn't quite suit the mood of the piece, though - you're telling people to listen, pointing out when they listen, but the title seems to take away the commanding tone of the first line (which comes through really well in the spoken piece). Have you thought, perhaps, of simply using 'Listen' as a title? Just a thought. :)

:blackrose:
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:iconlongcoolwomaninblack:
Very well done!
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:iconpellmellican:
Pellmellican Oct 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is fantastic. I love the spoken version of it. 
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:iconsheraine:
my destruction proved inadequate
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
likewise
i wish i would stop trying
Reply
:icondemongirl16:
demongirl16 Oct 7, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
i cried reading this T.T so good and you told me you weren't good
Reply
:icontrainernavy:
TrainerNavy Aug 9, 2013  Student Artist
I hear you on that one
Reply
:icontheemptychest:
As beautiful and honest as ever. You've still got it. ;)
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