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if anyone ever tells you your sadness isn't physical,
show them the ache in your bones,
the raw skin on your arms or wrists or hips or thighs,
the imprint of your foetal body on your mattress from the days you couldn't bear to leave.

and you see this?
this is what hurt looks like.
i want you to look closer, lean in a little until you can feel the sadness on my breath
and i want you to watch my eyes. count how often they blink and count how many of them are forcing back words i still can never say.
i don't want you to miss a second of how you make me feel.

i want to be what keeps you up at night
i want to be the reason you can't eat
or sleep
or laugh at your favourite tv programs
i want to be the reason
you walk with your eyes on the pavement
because too many things
remind you of me
i want you to feel the soreness of a heart unloved
loudly enough that the beating is mute and slow
loudly enough that you keep your hands in your pockets
when you move through the city so you don't touch anyone by accident
because right now a touch would be a touch too much.

what i want is for you, to be here,
tonight, two rows back.
i want you far enough so you can't touch me
and you won't feel it when my tears hit the ground but
i want you to see it all and i want to watch you take it in.

instead of me, the worm, the perpetual squirm,
the body beneath yours in warmth and rapture and fullness,
i want to see you watch me empty myself and see as nothing and nothing and nothing comes up in heaves.
i want to watch your eyes the whole time and never look down
because i don't want to miss a minute of this, i want you to see with clear eyes
what you've done and i want to see that you mean it when i say
you're sorry.
we both feel it happening but i don't want it to
this is the hurt from last time and the hurt i'm feeling now
Add a Comment:
 
:iconlynnisflying:
LynnIsFlying Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh I can so much relate to this! :(
True story? Have you broken up by now? I hope so ...
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013
we have, i am with someone else and very happy for it
Reply
:iconlynnisflying:
LynnIsFlying Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
i'm happy for you :meow:
Reply
:iconinsomniatic-poet:
Insomniatic-poet Featured By Owner May 22, 2013
Really good, I can feel the emotion
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner May 26, 2013
thank you!
Reply
:iconwednesday8996:
wednesday8996 Featured By Owner May 22, 2013
especially the line "I want to see you watch me empty myself and see and nothing and nothing and nothing somes up in heaves."
that whole stanza, actually. so touching and raw.

I've been having panic attacks every morning over my break up, and I've been dry heaving like that every. morning. for three weeks. it's terrible, but it's so nice to know I'm not the only one.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner May 26, 2013
ugh, i'm so sorry, that is so miserable. hugs to you! i hope you're feeling better.
Reply
:iconwednesday8996:
wednesday8996 Featured By Owner May 22, 2013
This is beautiful, and I really relate to it.

Thanks for writing something so personal. You have great skill and I absolutely love this.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner May 26, 2013
thank you, love :heart:
Reply
:iconbmwysp:
BMWYSP Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Professional Writer
Beautifully heart rending.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013
thank you <3
Reply
:iconbmwysp:
BMWYSP Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Professional Writer
You are welcome. :)
Reply
:iconmasvida:
masvida Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2013
I love the way you write from the absolute honesty of your feelings.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013
thank you, lovely
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013   General Artist
When all you have are memories of things you never want to remember..
Reply
:iconersatz-moon:
ersatz-moon Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
sigh
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
:S
Reply
:icon369dreamergirl:
369dreamergirl Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student Writer
probably the best thing i've read in a long time. i'm sorry:heart:
"you walk with your eyes on the pavement
because too many things
remind you of me"

that especially was lovely.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
thank you, love!
Reply
:iconmystery-of-brenna:
Mystery-of-Brenna Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Student Writer
Hu ... you always succeed in surprising me, don't you.
Guess you're one of those poets whose "I" is the actual "I", Romantic in style.
Although this doesn't look like a poem, it certainly feels like one. Good job.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
oh, not always, but in this case, yes. thank you, dear <3
Reply
:iconmystery-of-brenna:
Mystery-of-Brenna Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Student Writer
Above all other things, immensely happy that I interpreted it correctly ;-), so you are more than welcome ^^
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Professional Writer
Front page - awesome work!!
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
ahh i didn't even know, thank you!!
Reply
:iconbrokenglass16:
brokenglass16 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
Amazing.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013
thank you
Reply
:icontenshinekoowo:
TenshinekoOwO Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I suppose you want comments to the artisticness of the poem mostly.

But I want to say that I don't like the thought of this.

I don't want to make my ex see how hurt I am. At least not anymore. I want him to be happy there somewhere.

Forcing him to watch you squirm is just making the break up all the more harder for you both. He might start feeling guilt which he doesn't need to. Because there is nothing really wrong if you just don't feel love.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
i just wrote this because i was hurt and i wanted him to feel hurt too. i wouldn't actually let any of this happen, it's all poetic license. i could never show him to extent of it. i love him too much.
Reply
:icontenshinekoowo:
TenshinekoOwO Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Oh. That's good to hear. But anyway. Be strong in there.
Reply
:iconthe-last-black-rose:
The-last-black-rose Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
This gets to me in ways that i can't even explain
<3 x
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013
:hug: <--have that, please
Reply
:iconthe-last-black-rose:
The-last-black-rose Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2013  Student Writer
<3 x
Reply
:icondiscordia-kallisti:
Discordia-Kallisti Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is incredible. I really wish I could say more, this piece certainly deserves it.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013
thank you so much!
Reply
:iconflinchsaint:
FlinchSaint Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This made the back of my neck prickle and my heart twinge.
Just... there are no words.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
you can have my heart for that
Reply
:iconbailey--elizabeth:
bailey--elizabeth Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013   General Artist
ooh. wow.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
bailey i love you and am drawing you /awkward
Reply
:iconedge-of-psychosis:
edge-of-psychosis Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Perfect. Just fucking perfect.
:huggle:
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
pleased you think so!
Reply
:iconarandommoon:
ArandomMoon Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is so heartbreaking. I'm really amazed by how passionate this was. It's been a long time since there was a really well-written love-related narrative. Sorry for what's going on in your life.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
i'm over the upset part, but i miss him quite terribly
Reply
:icontinzthecan:
TinzTheCan Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Student Writer
"i want to be the reason
you walk with your eyes on the pavement
because too many things
remind you of me
i want you to feel the soreness of a heart unloved
loudly enough that the beating is mute and slow
loudly enough that you keep your hands in your pockets
when you move through the city so you don't touch anyone by accident
because right now a touch would be a touch too much."

that right there..has me in tears..heart-breakingly beautiful.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
i think i put myself in that instead of him, i don't want him to feel that. mostly, i guess. i did make sure he felt shitty about breaking up too, though. i needed that to be confirmed.
Reply
:icontinzthecan:
TinzTheCan Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
Mm, this fits my situation pretty well right now. Especially that line did. Your work is inspiring. :)
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
thanks :]
Reply
:icontinzthecan:
TinzTheCan Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Student Writer
You're welcome. ^^;
Reply
:iconhallucinate-in-paint:
Hallucinate-in-Paint Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Student General Artist
This is all so real, this is what I'm going through everyday
and I'm with someone now and it still hurts
and I hate it. and its not fair.
Thanks for sharing this <3
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
i'm sorry, my love <3
Reply
:iconhazeltown:
hazeltown Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this
Reply
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