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December 12, 2012
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the star-soaked stains
that covered our nudity
gives way at last
to a tequila sunrise,
so low in the sky;

it's still bright enough
to sting my eyes,
and yet i can't bring myself
to hate it.

your body next to mine,
every effort is made
to move a heavy limb
closer
because any space
we have
is space i don't want.

i am sometimes humbled
by my feelings,
the way they swell
in my throat
just how the ocean
tastes the shore.

there is always something new
to find hidden in my heart,
summoned by my words,
or the salt of your skin
wearing like wind on shale
against mine.

i don't think i can ever tell you
i love you enough.

if i could, i would never get dressed
so that you could never be sad-
a rewind every time
my clothes touch the floor,
never anything but nude, not naked
because with you i can be bare
and unafraid;
i can let you see my entirety
and leave my arms uncrossed,
i can let you in
and not fear that you will break me,
or force my inner things out.

i can love you with open arms
and my lips
wrapped around every inch of you,
staking claims for myself
wherever they touch;
i can love you,
unreserved,
unbridled,
and know that the heat that our skin,
soaked in the light once given off
by the stars we wear,
will be enough to keep us warm
even when wars
battle to
keep us
apart.
and you fell asleep while i whispered

-

that actually happened, how horrific is that
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:iconbmwysp:
BMWYSP Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Professional Writer
-breathless- Poetry in perfection. <3
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013
thank you so very much, my love
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:iconbmwysp:
BMWYSP Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2013  Professional Writer
You are very welcome, dear. <3
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:iconfervvent:
fervvent Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
your body next to mine,
every effort is made
to move a heavy limb
closer
because any space
we have
is space i don't want.

jesus. that stanza. :heart:
Reply
:iconsunrayelle:
Sunrayelle Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love that part too
Reminds me of my own feelings...
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
thank you bby <3
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:iconfervvent:
fervvent Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
you're welcome
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:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012   Writer
there is always something new
to find hidden in my heart


ohindeed :heart:
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013
thank you, kind sir
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:iconperidot-magelette:
peridot-magelette Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
This is the first time a poem has ever brought me to tears.
"with you I can be bare and unafraid"

This is how I feel and I want to tell him I love him but i'm afraid he doesn't want to hear it and/or will freak out. And it sucks that I love this amazing person I will have to leave soon, so maybe it's better I don't tell him anyway. I'm sorry for dumping my feelings into this comment; this is a wonderful poem and it makes me feel things I don't want to.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013
if he's worth it, and you don't have to leave him emotionally, it's worth telling him
Reply
:iconperidot-magelette:
peridot-magelette Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013
I did tell him :/

When he was about to drop me back home after fooling around, I kissed him and said "You know I love you, right?" He said, "I know." Very Star Wars. He hasn't replied in kind, but he's called me 'love' and he treats me as if he does and I didn't tell him to hear it back, I told him so I could stop wanting to say it all the time and not be able to do so. I have to leave emotionally and physically- I'm planning to study in another country and long distance wouldn't be fair to either of us. I'll understand if he never says it, too, because those words mean a lot to him, and when he says it he means a lot, and I understand not wanting to feel or express so much for someone you know will leave you in a few months. So. Yeah :/ there's my story.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013
honestly, at least the ball is in his court and you won't have to wonder the what-ifs. that's always what urges me on to get it out. i think it's cleansing to say it when otherwise it'd just stew in you and inspire so many other questions and feelings and worries and doubts. i think you mean a great deal to him, but saying it is terrifying. i'm in the same spot, actually. my "pseudo-boyfriend", he's said i can call him, said it to me. and i don't feel i can properly reciprocate, though i love him more than a friend, it's just not the exact right feeling. and i feel awful for it, but it's better to hold off til i know i mean it just right than to rush and end up hurting him or putting up walls.
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:iconperidot-magelette:
peridot-magelette Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013
Hey, sorry I've taken so long to reply. um. we broke up march 4th. because he works in an incredibly busy industry and he's an incredibly busy person, having a relationship simply became impossible. as it was i was seeing him once a week for just over an hour, anything else was a bonus, and during that time he would sometimes be missing out on other important things and be thinking of work. it just... he just got too busy. it was a lovely breakup, we sat and we cuddled and we talked like we hadn't gotten the chance to for ages.

the aftermath was absolutely miserable. i don't think i've cried for my entire life as much as i did the few months after. he was the first serious relationship i had, my first love and my first lover. we still talked, which made things better and worse, because i missed him so damn much. i don't regret giving it my all, though- i would have regretted not doing so, and i can live with the knowledge that i experienced every moment to the fullest without holding anything back. and it was hard, because i knew i felt it more than him because aside from him having work to distract him i loved him and he didn't love me.

funny how that worked out, actually. we were talking on the phone after he got back from a trip, and he said "how can you be okay with loving me knowing i don't love you?" i hadn't actually known he didn't until he said that, and he said it because, well, how else do you tell someone you don't love them. and, to both of our surprise, i said i was okay with it and i actually meant it. i couldn't change the way i felt and i couldn't do anything about the way he felt, all i could do was keep loving him and be okay with the fact that he cared deeply about me but didn't love me the way i loved him. i prefer that he didn't lie to me or say what he thought i wanted to hear. one of the things i loved about him was that i could trust him to tell me the truth even when it hurt. i got everything i really needed out of a relationship from him- he fought to make time for me, i had fascinating conversations and learned a lot from him, he taught me the meaning and importance of intimacy. that line from your poem will always encompass that relationship for me- that with him i could be completely myself, i could bare myself physically and emotionally, i could let myself be vulnerable and know that i was safe in his hands because he would never do anything to hurt me, my comfort and me as a person were more important to him than his own satisfaction. the knowledge that that kind of intimacy and trust can exist set a standard for me, now.

it's funny that you mention a 'pseudo-boyfriend.' he never called me his girlfriend- and i didn't want him to. he has issues with that word, and i was fine not using it so i didn't have to lie to my mother about not having a boyfriend, lol. some of my friends acted as though it wasn't a legitimate relationship because we didn't use labels, but he was more to me than many people who are called 'boyfriend' are to their partners. he doesn't consider me his ex, now, which hurt at first- i was his lover, but not his girlfriend and not more than his girlfriend, he made love with me but he didn't love me and his exes are the women he loved. i *know* that i meant a lot to him when we were together, and now... well, now he's unfriended me on facebook without a reason.

we don't talk, now. when he told me he was unfriending me he asked me to call and say goodbye before i left, and i will. it saddens me that there's nothing there anymore, because it's incredibly sad that you can be so intimate with someone and be such a big part of their life for a time and afterward not even be friends. but then again, i don't know if i know how to be friends with him. the relationship was built on us being fascinated by and wanting each other, there was no foundation of friendship. so now that's over so are we. all i can do, now, is be grateful that i was fortunate enough to have that experience, and remember him by the moments i knew he cared rather than the moments it seems he didn't.

sorry to leave such a long reply, it was probably unnecessary... for me, your poem was a part of my story, so i hope you don't mind that i shared it with you.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2013
i'm glad you felt comfortable telling me this. relationships have so many difficulties in them, and labels really do mean shit. it's the feelings that count. and i also want to point out that the fact that he felt the need to unfriend you means you still mean something to him. i'm proud that you're taking this all in stride. :heart:
Reply
:iconperidot-magelette:
peridot-magelette Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013
I think you probably have more of an idea than me how much love can wreck you :P Ah, yeah, they do. Sigh. I think it's made me more comfortable with the word 'boyfriend', that i could refer to someone and in one word other people know that this is the person i love and am committed to, but at the same time i also realize that words are really not all that significant. i mean, my father sometimes refers to his partner of almost ten years now as his 'friend' and he certainly loves her dearly. it's how you treat and feel about somebody, the connection you have that really matters, more than labelling it. words don't have so much to do with committment, i never worried about him wanting anyone else and people cheat on their *girlfriends* and *wives*.

ah. sigh. yeah. i called him and we talked for 5 hours. i remembered exactly why i loved him so much, brilliant beautiful caring man, and also that i am no longer important to him. right now, though, i'm copy&pasting all our facebook conversations right now, and it's sad, bittersweet, heartwarming to see how much he cared about me when he did (because i was going thru my own privacy settings and messaged him to ask why i can still see all of his stuff, and it turns out his privacy settings don't work on me so he blocked me, and for a few seconds i thought our conversations had disappeared and it was too much horror to absorb. and that would truly be a tragic loss, i'd like the option years from now when i am older and wiser and have lived more to read our history and feel nostalgic. i asked him if he minded my being able to see his stuff though, because i never look anymore but it was nice knowing i could see how he's doing if i ever felt like it, and he said to tell him if to unblock me, so he probably will.) he said he felt we were seeing too much of each other, so he unfriended me. in hindsight, he was right, as he always is, because it was easier not seeing him online. sigh. i know i'm not some random girl to him, he cared about me, but at the same time i am not one of the women he loved and in his own words, compared to that, what he gave me was "nothing." funny, how some people's "nothing" is more than other people's everything. ah, well. i'm glad he didn't care more, because breaking up would have hurt him a great deal if i was more to him. hopefully, when i am everything to someone, it doesn't have to end.

thank you. :heart:
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:iconemeriy:
Emeriy Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
beautifully said.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013
thank you :]
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:iconthisonesforthelonely:
thisonesforthelonely Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Student Photographer
Every time I read your writing, all these years I've been doing so, I fall in love more and more each time :heart:
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2013
oh, thank you so much, my love
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:iconthisonesforthelonely:
thisonesforthelonely Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2013  Student Photographer
:tighthug:
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:iconnikki-ism:
Nikki-ism Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
i think i've been reading your poems for about 2 years now, but this might well be your best so far :heart:
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
oh my, thank you dearly <333
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:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is one of your best.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
i'm very glad to hear this from you, i feel like you're one of the few on dA who won't mindlessly flatter or sugarcoat so that makes me proud
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:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for being so honest. I know when I like something (or don't) and will usually be open with it.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
i'm very grateful for that!
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:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Just read "playing god" and it is a definite favourite by the way.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2013
:] thank you, ashley!
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:icon1nkl1ng:
1nkl1ng Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
Beautiful.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
thank you <3
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:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Student General Artist
Beautiful.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
thank you :]
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:iconpencil-wolf:
Pencil-Wolf Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Student General Artist
You're welcome. (:
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:icondo-they-collide:
do-they-collide Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is gorgeous.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
ahh, thank you :heart:
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:iconsassypants567:
sassypants567 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
lovely.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
thanks <3
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:iconrachel-rhapsody:
rachel-rhapsody Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012
oh dear lord this is absolutely wonderful and a half.
and i am beyond happy for you, love :heart:
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
eeeep, thank you, my lovely!
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:iconthe-last-black-rose:
The-last-black-rose Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Student Writer
because any space
we have
is space i don't want.

i feel that.
Reply
:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
and it's impossible to close that gap, it's saddening but beautiful
Reply
:iconharu01:
Haru01 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional Writer
Wow!! this is brilliant.
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
thank you! <33
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:iconharu01:
Haru01 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Professional Writer
np:D
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:iconmypuppetboresme:
mypuppetboresme Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
how nice. see my journal
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:iconhazeltown:
hazeltown Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
the things you say
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:iconohsostarryeyed:
ohsostarryeyed Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012
:heart:
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:icontiajones:
tiajones Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3
"i am sometimes humbled
by my feelings,
the way they swell
in my throat
just how the ocean
tastes the shore."

i am almost always humbled by my feelings.
this is absolutely lovely.
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