there's a little more to love than lust
and a little more to a person than a label.
you can try to sum me up in five words or less and you'll find those words,
but you won't be able to reduce me to them.
you can't turn me into something that can be thrust,
down the grapevine
when there's something more to me than the colour of my eyes or the size of my chest.
and that's something we could all do with remembering.
but this is the culture we were born into.
where the length of your hair is more important than the sincerity of your words,
and nothing matters as much as the kardashians' latest scandal or talking some hot chick into bed.
i'm nineteen. i understand. but i'm frequently finding myself writhing in my own reassurance that i exist.
my name is melissa, i am a liberal, college-going female who doesn't remember what her own house looks like but remembers her childhood telephone number
and i'm not sure if that's ok. is it normal, am i the only one in this goddamn world who needs words to be told that i'm still here?
and what if, one day,
words aren't enough.
i think that's why people turn to action.
they say it speaks louder than words, but some days, i'm not so sure.
some days, i think that lying on the bed of a boy who isn't the one i want means less
than when i let my hands start talking and they write about him instead.
a couple of bouts of sex means a lot less than what i'm about to say.
it's been sitting in my head, collecting dust and creating a welcoming home for spiders and their webs
for a little too long, so forgive me if i start coughing.
so listen. listen now if you're to listen to any of this-
no one should have to lose their virginity.
no one should have to spend their time mourning its absence,
the way misplaced car keys ruin a day and virginity shouldn't ruin a life.
i gave my virginity to a boy when i felt good and ready.
i gave it to him because i trusted him with it.
i didn't misplace it, i didn't lose it, i told him, here,
this is something i want you to have because you mean something to me-
you make me feel all right.
i feel safe with you.
and you know what?
i was safe with you.
and everything was all right-
all right and all stumbles and all fumbles and all sorries,
but all right- it was damn good.
i am good at developing misplaced feelings but now isn't one of those times.
the right time to have sex is the time after the times you both made yourselves hold off.
and i can tell you left and right a thousand words,
to try to reduce it to a million,
just what that's like, but sometimes, actions do speak louder than words.
but i guess you'll have to let my words do the speaking this time.